Sunday, October 9, 2011


i'm getting old. you know. i turn thirty on saturday. terrifying. ab. so. fucking. lutely. terrifying.

i dont' know why. it's like there is this invisible hurdle that i have to jump. and with these extra "love" handles. sheesh. that hurdle has grown into a giant wall of amazonian proportions. and here i am. little. squat. child bearing hips. and short legs.

but you know. as with most days in my life. i try not to look too far ahead. i just try to tackle it one day at a time. somedays it's not so easy. somedays i can actually pencil in events several months ahead without going into a fullblown panic attack. most days i just shrug it off like last nights pyjamas.

today was a good day. this week has been pretty good. all things considered.

given the fact that i'm turning thirty. that my husband is in our home without me. that i still need to apply for my visa. that i still need to put a bandaid on my financial status. that i need a job. that i need a job that won't make me take out an ak47. that i'm about halfway between all of my family, friends, and my hubby. that my housemates freaking dog is barking at 11:30 at night. and that i still don't feel like i've accomplished much in my life.

this week has been surprisingly okay.

either i'm turning a new leaf.

or the neighbors downstairs are smoking some good pot which has wafted up to my room through the floorboards.


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