Tuesday, September 11, 2012


so... this is one of my favorite new blogs... it has nothing to do with ponies. sorry to trick you.

it is pure awesome though. i don't often laugh out loud. but this... this actually had me in hysterics.

it's my gift to you people. enjoy.

tips for walking your daughter...

always bring lots of water to keep your daughter well hydrated.

always point out random trail markers... rusty water tanks, rusty fences, old windmills.

always explain how the trail is different from season to season.

always keep your daughter well conversed so she doesn't notice it's been 2.5 hours and 7 miles.

always realize she'll want to go again as soon as her legs have stopped being all wobbly.

thanks dad. same time-ish next weekend?

Monday, September 10, 2012

birthday math

this year i turn 28...

i will be 4 times the age i was when i realized people have their own inner monologues.

i will be 4 times the age i was when i realized my own mortality.

i will be twice the age i was when i vowed i wouldn't ever forgive my dad.

i will be twice the age i was when i thought i couldn't be happy again.

i will have lived 3 years longer than i thought i would have.

i will have wondered for years at the curiosity that is other people.

i will have long since forgiven my dad for being human.

i will have accepted my mortality.

i will have found complete and utter happiness.

here's to many more.

Saturday, September 8, 2012


meh. work. home. dinner. bed.

right now that is my life. it's good though. i'm not complaining. but it doesn't make for interesting reading.



Friday, September 7, 2012

invisible things...

... the tenuous strings of love.

... the explosive destruction of unfulfilled expectations.

... the heavy armor of solitude.

... the tightly wound chains of fear.

... the corrosive nature of broken trust.

life is full of unforeseen pot holes in the road. but we can't stop driving just because we hit one. we have to drive more carefully and watch for signs of them. but we can still enjoy the trip.

and it's much more fun when you aren't the only one in the car.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

the silence of marriage

there is a silence that follows a marriage. a quietness that descends upon a couple like a fog kisses the dewy earth. clinging gently. a tangible sigh which caresses the cheek and alights upon the brow.

it is not a heavy silence. it is not ominous or foreboding. it does not sneak in to your waking world with stealth. it does not disrupt your thoughts. it does not wind it's way into your smile. it simply is.

this silence that covers your home like a blanket is soft. a quilted warmth stitched from whispered words of love. filled with the lightness of laughter. and scented like a thousand shared sunsets.

Monday, September 3, 2012

i SO thought i posted this...

*** this originally happened in mid'06. somehow i didn't post. mayhaps because i was so trembly with anger***

this is an email i sent to English about my dealings tonight with sonystyle and with fedex...

this is what i just sent in response to the customer service survey they sent me.

"I need to have the shipping address changed and due to your policies and contract/partnership with fedex I can not have my order shipped to my office unless my office was in the same zip code. After 4 calls (2 to SonyStyle and 2 to Fedex) I am still without a viable solution. I understand the working relationship SonyStyle may have with FedEx but the fact that neither company is willing or able to help me leaves me very unsatisfied.

I now have to take an unscheduled half day at work in order to receive my shipment. I find this to be most unacceptable however, given that I purchased merchandise from SonyStyle and FedEx will not reroute the package without your consent, this appears to be my only option.

The customer service reps were helpful and seemed understanding but were completely unable to help me. Perhaps you should consider changing your shipping policy, or going with only one shipping company (such as UPS) who will allow customers to call and have packages rerouted without the hassle."

and i was nice on the phone... and i'm sure they could hear my frustration (which is less me being
angry and more me on the verge of crying)... but they still didn't offer any solutions. i am so frustrated. i know i'm not explaining it nearly enough...

so sony shipping policy is that it is a direct signature so someone has to sign with the shipco (in this case fedex). fedex will try 3 times to deliver... if unsigned they will hold it for 3 days at their "station" (i assume dispatch location) at the end of 3 days if it's not signed and picked up they send it BACK to sony who then simply credit my card the amount i purchased the item for.
they don't at any point in time allow the customer to have it rerouted. if i were to reroute the package i call sony, if the new address is not in the same damn zip code they won't reroute it. so what's the fucking point of even having a damn thing rerouted if it has to be the same zip code? i have no where else to have it sent in this fucking zip code.

to me fedex should be able to contact the driver who handles this zipcode and have him bring the package back to the station (which i'm sure he has to fucking do anyway at some point to pick up more packages) and simply hand the package off to the driver who handles the zipcode in boston. but no. it's like, oh once it's in the drivers hands it has fucking aids and can't be touched by anybody else.

so... now. i have to take a half fucking day. or else the laptop goes bye bye back to fucking california. we are so never using sonystyle again. hate them... hate their shipping policy. and it's not all fedexs fault. the guy couldn't even get into the account because of the deal they have with sony. so even if he wanted to the guy couldn't help. he even told me to try and have a nice day since he could hear me starting to cry.

so needless to say... i've had better nights. i hate sonystyle. and i only sorta hate fedex. stupid stupid companies.

if i had mind powers this wouldn't be happening.

monday never came

she fell in love on a wednesday. as far as things go, she felt wednesday was a perfectly nice day to fall in love. there were enough days left to be distracted by work but, not too many days left, to risk forgetting the first gentle tingles of love.

the exact moment she fell in love is difficult to pinpoint. it could have been the second she noticed that the way he walked was full of an understated confidence which, she had always felt, was impossible to achieve except perhaps in movies. or the multitude of times she had lost herself in the way he spoke that she feared he would think her slow and dimwitted. or it could have been the hours she felt it took to describe the color of his hair to ever more bored acquaintances and strangers she passed on the street.

more likely however, it was the instant his eyes showered her in sincere interest. as though the deep blue orbs were in fact spotlights which drew her from the hidden depths of the background players to star at the front of the stage. the heat of his gaze stripped her bare. burning away all the layers of self consciousness and self loathing. leaving her naked and clean for all world to see and judge.

it was in that one minuscule moment that her heart whimpered in surrender and, like a puppy with her tail between her legs, her whole inner self rolled to expose her tender side in complete submission.

for the rest of the week a smile took residence upon her face. it stayed like an unexpected but welcome guest who would never over stay their welcome.

she knew she shouldn't have fallen in love. the circumstances were stacked against her like so many dusty books in a library, heavy with words and knowledge, leaning precariously, ready to tumble. she found herself clothed in the familiar layers of doubt and cynicism. she knew he would leave just as everything else that was good in her life eventually did.

when the day came she was aloof. her visiting smile was packing up it's glow and readying for departure. she pretended she didn't care, not really, not this time.

she knew he could see the truth even before her tears betrayed her performance. she knew he could see past the thin curtain of confidence into the frailty of her heart. she knew as he played his part and, gently kissed her goodbye, that her heart would never be her own again.

she fell in love on a wednesday. she thought her heart would be broken on a monday.

she never knew that monday would never come.