Thursday, July 5, 2012

still surreal

it's strange to think that just over a year ago i moved from the states into a new land. even stranger still to realize that it's been almost a year since i got married. and perhaps, even more strange is that fact that we are seriously discussing buying a house so that we can have a home to raise a baby.

somehow the talk of mortgages and 3 am feedings makes all the amount of growing up i've done in the past two years seem so very inconsequential.

now, don't jump to conclusions. there is no bun in the oven. well not the non-edible kind at any rate.

but there is talk of it. and while the other half is still unsure. we are making the plans. and my goodness there is a lot of planning.

i suppose that is the problem with marrying a project manager type. everything gets listed and weighed. we don't do anything before the costs are tallied.

it is a very different way of living than i am used to. i tend to jump first. then check to see if i have a place to land. or if all else fails. i squeeze my eyes shut and will wings to sprout out of my back.

but i suppose i can't do that anymore. i can't jump anymore because i have to think about someone else's heart and not just my own. especially not if i am really thinking about being a mom.

it's all part of growing up i guess.

i don't really mind.

in a way. i think i still shut my eyes. and took a step forward. without ever really knowing what i was stepping off of.

but now. i have someone holding my hand.

and his eyes are open.


...visits with your husband. planned sleepovers.

trying to ignore any tension. pretending to unsee any elephants.

but at ease. comforted. in the falsely familiar.

treading water carefully. holding your head up high. protecting your heart from the surge of emotions and high water.

hopeful that your feet will touch land.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

daily drudgery

life is pretty still at the moment. after the move down to warwick. it's as if we have become goldfish. growing only as large as their bowl. only we've shrunk. we venture out less. we enjoy the confines of our small home in the confines of our small town.

husband is getting into the ebb and flow of emails and paperwork which rolls over his desk. he is happy on his island of industrious labor.

i am working. it is good to get back into the routine. wake up. shower. dress. work. converse with other beings of the human persuasion. go home. make dinner. cuddle with husband until sleep calls to us.

our antisocial cat has wandered into the world outside our window. though, as a recluse she remains as unfriendly to strangers as ever. the sound of the trains and cars send her careening back into the open window. eyes wide and tail spiky. her forays into the jungle of domestic plants has given her more courage with the small rodents in our house. she attempts to sniff and say hello. but alas, the larger of the two is still very protective of her sister. and the kitten now has a small scab on her nose, the same size as a set of rat teeth.

the rats are happy. they have branched out from only owning two levels of our bookcase to now calling three and sometimes four levels home. the dvds still stand proudly on the remaining fifth level. there are tea boxes, rocks, cardboard stairs, and tin cans. a world of happy rubbish for the rats to rule. it's amazing how such small creatures can make such a large mess of your house. the mess i think is equivalent to the amount of love and entertainment you receive when you give a pair of rats a home.

so life is good. it is simple. it is day by day. a walk with my husband. hand in hand. simple.

simple and happy.

Monday, July 2, 2012

non-showered glory

so today is the second day this week where i have actually gone a full 24 hours (possibly more) sans shower.

i know it's gross. but. really. i'm ill. which actually when i think about it is even more reason i should have showered. meh.

but just because i didn't shower doesn't mean i did not have an eventful day. okay. maybe it does.

but you know... i did do stuff. stuff that did not involve me leaving the house.

i tidied my room. i now have more clean surfaces for which my clutter can grow from. i started my visa process. *fist shake* damn visas. i even put out my little collection of cookbooks that has multiplied since i arrived back in the states in september. this is not my fault. people buy my gigantormous cookbooks. crazy people. people who forget that i'll have to travel with it now since i'm kinda still in housing limbo.

let's see... what else did i do? in between my nap and dozing on the couch i also hung (snigger... i said hung). ahem. i also hung a curtain on one of my windows so that i can keep some semblance of heat in my otherwise drafty room. why only one curtain? because that's all i could find in the basement. plus at some point i actually enjoy to have the sun in my room. despite other peoples idea of me shunning the daylight.


you know. listing all the things i did today does not do much to prove the point that me not showering for a day is an okay thing. it's like the pros are disproportionately in favor of showering given the lack of any valid excuse for not doing so.


i'm ill.

i still say that excuse trumps all others.