still surreal

it's strange to think that just over a year ago i moved from the states into a new land. even stranger still to realize that it's been almost a year since i got married. and perhaps, even more strange is that fact that we are seriously discussing buying a house so that we can have a home to raise a baby.

somehow the talk of mortgages and 3 am feedings makes all the amount of growing up i've done in the past two years seem so very inconsequential.

now, don't jump to conclusions. there is no bun in the oven. well not the non-edible kind at any rate.

but there is talk of it. and while the other half is still unsure. we are making the plans. and my goodness there is a lot of planning.

i suppose that is the problem with marrying a project manager type. everything gets listed and weighed. we don't do anything before the costs are tallied.

it is a very different way of living than i am used to. i tend to jump first. then check to see if i have a place to land. or if all else fails. i squeeze my eyes shut and will wings to sprout out of my back.

but i suppose i can't do that anymore. i can't jump anymore because i have to think about someone else's heart and not just my own. especially not if i am really thinking about being a mom.

it's all part of growing up i guess.

i don't really mind.

in a way. i think i still shut my eyes. and took a step forward. without ever really knowing what i was stepping off of.

but now. i have someone holding my hand.

and his eyes are open.