Friday, March 2, 2012

hello again...

rereading myself. revisiting who i was. where i was. in a place that was good. in a place that was better than before. but not as good as now. never as good as the now. even with the insecurity of my future. the unknown. the known. the unforgivable distance.

letting my previous self re-emerge is a strange task. admitting age. inspecting the sameness against the difference. finding the once flaws which are now friends. reminders of years. of smiles. of laughs. of tears.

saddened eyes which brightened. heavy shoulders which lightened. a grey cloud which lifted.

i've never enjoyed looking back. though the risk of having to look forward is equally challenging.

yet somehow there is sweet but bitter joy in delving backwards. the anger and sadness are easier to taste again. to swirl gently in the mouth. the cool weight of many shed tears. the heat from layers of fears. a spicy note of regret. a crisp clean tinge of youthful confidence. to breathe in the air and inflame the flavor. rolling the years upon my tongue. it is easy to taste.

and to release it once again. to place it back in the bottle in the cellar.

to let it age and mellow.

to let myself age. and mellow.

hello again you.

i've missed your brown eyes.

i've missed the arch of your brow.

and i see that though you are just as jaded. there is finally a lightness to your heart.

it fits you.

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