manic

everyone has their up days and their down days. obviously not everyone posts their roller-coaster emotions. but then. i've never been like everyone.

i've always been quick to temper. just on the edge of any given emotion at any given time. happy one moment. melting into tears the next.

i've always feared i would end up in some sort of psych ward. buckled down and medicated. the last vestiges of sanity ripped away by anti-psychotics and bleached walls.

last night was not one of my best. i've had to sweep away my shattered self this morning. i felt the familiar heat of embarrassment creep into my cheeks as i saw my anger and depression laid out before me.

i overcompensated today. i laughed too loudly. smiled too often. tried to exorcise my feelings.

i'm sure i failed miserably. i'm sure the weakness shone through my eyes. barely filtering through the haze of pretended happiness.

maybe tomorrow will actually be an up day. or perhaps it will be more of the same.

i'll just have to wait and see i suppose.

and in the meantime. i should lock away all the breakables.