Wednesday, January 12, 2011

archive diving...

staying up late. rereading myself. smiling at my past life. at the anger. the silliness. the flirtations with my now husband.

rereading who i was. seeing who i was becoming. watching the old me wither away. the blossom dries and falls. the fruit grows. and ripens. to be picked. to be loved.

i forget sometimes. i forget how sad i was. to be honest. i still am. but i am better equipped to deal with it now. i know the tears will dry. i know the hurt will fade. and i'll be in his arms again.

i remember how young i was. how every slight against me was a decree of war. how every stray look while walking downtown was an assault to my vanity. at yet. i still am young. i still feel my hackles raise as my back hunches into a defensive position. i am ready to leap into a fight. to protect my heart. to protect my life.

was it all so long ago?

am i really much different?

no. and yes.


and no.

i think we're all an ocean. we are calm. we are rough. we are white tipped with angry froth. we are silken smooth in midnight light. we are pulled by a tide. we flow in and we flow out.

we soften the edges of the jagged cliffs of life.

our course is ever the same.

our purpose held beneath the surface.

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