Monday, October 11, 2010

the best laid plans...

the other night we stayed up a little later than usual. it was the end of a weekend and my darling hubby didn't need to be at work until 9am. you see the next morning would be the start of a new job. his first day. and seeing as we live all of a 5 minute (if you are him) or 10 minute (if you're as slow as me) walk away, he could wake up at 8 and still be in on time to work.

so all nestled in bed. lights off. the blankets all warm and cozy. i drift off to sleep. there i am. all snug as a bug in a rug... bug? bug? oh god almighty there is a bug on me! i brush it off my arm onto the floor. now, keep in mind i'm blind without my glasses. my world is a blur. so here i am. in bed. breathing heavily as i've been woken up by a creepy crawly on my arm. and i can't see a thing.

where is it? where is it? do i get up and turn on the light? no, no, that would wake the man. and then he'd look at me with his pretty blue eyes all crinkled from the sudden blinding light and he'd whine. or worse. he'd call me a dork.

so i sit there. trying to covertly scan the blurred room for the bug. i don't want to get up. it might attack my toes. finally, now that i'm awake, i have the pressing urge on my bladder. phooey. now i have to get up and risk a guerrilla attack on my precious toes.

i finish up in the bathroom and open the door back into the bedroom. now, the bathroom is an "en suite" meaning it's part of the bedroom. it's so part of the bedroom i can take one step from my side of the bed and be in the bathroom. so as i open the door the light comes spilling out. i take advantage of this slightly diffused lighting to try and find the bug. no luck. i stand up from my crouching bug killing stance. and there, there are those pretty eyes all crinkled at me.

i explain that there's a bug. he gets up. shakes the bedspread. watches as i inspect every corner of the room. then gets back into bed.

i find no bug.

i go back to bed. so here's an interesting tidbit about me. once i wake up in the morning (even early, early, why the fuck am i awake morning) i start to sneeze. i sniffle. my nose drips. i get all congested and miserable. and to make matters worse, my allergy pills just ran out. so i am in bed, trying to go back to sleep, sniffling, sneezing, and still looking out for a bug.

and then? buzz. buzz. tink. tink. buzz. it's on the window. we jump up. can't find it. sniffle. sneeze. drip. drip. trip to the bathroom for toilet paper to mop up my nose. sniffle. sigh.

back i fall into sleep.

and then he's out of bed. rustling with the bedside lamp. and there. there is the bug. one of those nasty black beetles. the kind that is surprisingly strong for a beetle. the ones where you try to get as much paper towel between you and it as possible, and even then you can feel it's icky hard shell and prickly little nasty legs. and those legs are strong. they burrow into the carpet so you feel as if you are trying to prise a chubby 7 year old away from the bakery counter at lardy's-r-us.

i digress.

he got the beetle. crunched it in some toilet tissue, which i then dutifully flushed down the toilet.

and back to sleep we went.

i think he got about 5-6 hours of sleep.

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