Friday, October 1, 2010

dieting dieting...

it's weird. struggling with weight. i've always had an inflated image of myself. a bloated image. it's always been bigger... my reflection in the mirror. and as such i've always looked the same to myself. i've always looked big. so now... being a bit bigger than i was three years ago... it's weird. i know i am. i know that three years ago i was much more slender. it's obvious when i look back. when i look at pictures.

but my face. the thing i see every day. so many times a day. in every bathroom mirror. in every store window. it's always looked the same.

so now. i'm dieting. for real. i actually walk the 40 minutes to work every day. i hustle it home by foot if i can. i'm counting calories. which is saddening. i'm a cook. i love food. so to limit myself. it's like trying to turn a switch off. a switch that springs back to place every 5 minutes.

but i'm seeing results.

i'm actually going to sleep at the same weight i woke up at. which boggles my mind. i mean... i am still eating. i still have snacks... healthy snacks. i eat two actual meals a day. it's two because i can't face food in the morning. it's always been the way. i can eat an actual brekkie on weekends at ten or later. but on weekdays... meh. a smoothie or random asian cereal-tea-porridgy thing is all i can handle at 7am.

so i'm not starving. yea. i'm hungry. but i'm not going to gnaw my arm off any time soon.

if only the weight would shift faster... my hips are a swaying people.

and i would definately like some fries with my shake.

you know what i'm sayin' ?

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