walking along the charles. boston just a stonesthrow away. well... perhaps not my stonesthrow. the glistening lights bouncing off the frozen shell of the river. hundreds of heartbeats. thousands of sighs. all running for the exits home.
and here i am. meandering in the chill. feeling my life crystalize in the air. a million whispers scatter and float upwards. joining the clouds and stars.
i turn several corners and come upon a place i knew. a place i know. a bus stop that we used to take. from one place to another. to wander through the kiosks. to fill up on warm cinamon and sugar. to empty our wallets. to trade paper for denim and lace.
i take the free shuttle. the driver is the same as 3 years ago. i recognize him instantly. i wonder if he recognizes me. doubtful. i'm sure he sees a lifetime of faces. i'm sure he's blind to mine.
exiting onto the street i smile. i remember a small asian woman. i gave her a tissue. she was on her way to shop alone. i wanted to gather her into my arms and take her shopping. i cried on the bus. her smile and eyes were both happy and sad. i wondered where her son was. surely he should be taking her shopping. my mother was far away. and so i cried into my loves chest. my unexpected emotion shocking us both into laughter.
gathering my memories i enter the underground. burying myself with the machines and discarded newspapers. wedging myself into a corner by the door. ignoring the inquisitive smiles from young men who can not see my ring. disguised as it is by my blue knit gloves.
on the street again. lost for a second. backtracking. most places are the same. the pub. that other pub. coffee shop. conglomerate coffee shop. another pub. the gap is gone. i thought you'd be sad. it's where you got much of your american wardrobe from. so you'd only have to bring a toothbrush when you visited... much to the raised eyebrows of passport control i'm sure.
the hippy store is still there. the front is new. a fancy cafe. no longer the bohemian rambshackle that i loved. a snazzy new name. glass and wood. shiny and safe. clean and clinical. people are plugged into the wall. plugged into their ipods. their iphones. does anyone talk anymore? face to face? and not via a computor screen?
i waltz the aisles. touching the produce. gazing at the things i can't afford yet. only the basics. apples. carrots. onions. tea. eggs. and peas. the bulk aisle is calling me. the beauty of lentils and legumes is a siren song. i only manage to escape. i pay and leave by the side door. this is still the same.
the door empties onto a parking lot. the gym is across the way. this side street is quiet. i pause.
enjoying this moment.
this sweet moment of peace. watching the world rush by. no more than a few feet away. and here i am. in a bubble of time and space.
then run for the bus.
and join the rush.