find one beef hot dog. slice 1/3 off. slice the 1/3 piece in half lengthwise. cut a triangle from the flat cut piece... you now have a fishy. make small slices in the surface to look like scales and a gill then repeat with the other half. take the remaining 2/3 piece and slice lengthwise up to 1/2 inch from the rounded top. rotate and slice the halves lengthwise. now slice each of the 4 "legs" in half. you now have an octopus. place both the fishies and the octopod onto a microwave plate. nuke for 20 seconds. they will curl and all the decorative slices will "pop".
find one egg. mix with a dash of soy sauce and a sprinkle of sugar. pour into hot pan and swirl until the egg mixture is thin and nearly cooked. starting at one side of the pan roll the eggy crepe. roll it like carpet or a newspaper. after each roll flatten the top until you have a long rectangle. remove from heat and slice into smaller rectangles or triangles.
find some celery and scallions. take a few leaves from the celery. and the green bit from one scallion. slice the scallion into 3 or 4 lengths. slice these lengths (but don't cut all the way on only one side) into thin ribbons. you now have a "grassy tuft"
find rice. make rice.
find carrot. slice carrot into thin rounds and cut the rounds to resemble flowers.
find frozen peas. nuke frozen peas for 10 seconds until no longer frozen.
put rice on a plate. spread out until plate is covered. unravel some of the eggy crepe. place on the bottom 1/3 of rice like sand and coral. place the celery leaves and scallion "grass" in and around the "sand" place the fishies above the sand on the top 1/3 of the plate. place the octopod on the sand near the bottom 1/3 of the plate. place carrot flowers around the celery and scallions. place the peas around the fish and octopod like little air bubbles.
now laugh like a maniac and show your creation to your roomate.
wait for roomate to pat you on the head.
because clearly you're crazy.
in all... about 500-600 calories.
and i'm still at my calorie intake for the day.