me: my cat is fat.
the brother: You should make her swim. Get fit.
me: yea... she would be most displeased and then she'd pee on my bed and scratch my eyes out. or she'd just look really pitiful and sink to the bottom.
the brother: Are you sure it's a cat and not a pet rock? The feathers and parts of small fowl lead me to believe I adopted a chainsaw.
(*editors note: the email chain's subject line changed from "AAAGH!" to "Bullshit" at which point i had to request it not be a word that could get me fired from my job [which if you think about it is funny since i'm quitting]. then my dearest brother changed it to "Bull-shido (formerly RE: AAAGH!) nagasaki enoki sato hiawatha!")
(**editors note: let it also be noted that my brother held off naming his kitten until it had made its first kill, and thus began the fearful reign of tiberius ceasar the first, tormentor of souls, ravager of small woodland creatures. i made that tormentor of souls, ravager of small woodland creatures part up, but you have to admit, it has a nice ring to it.)