sitting...

... in the early morning light. no one is awake. no one is around to hear my empty heart. no one to see the tears which my dry body can't produce anymore.

sitting. watching the smoke lift from the ember. watching as a little more death creeps into my lungs. wishing it was faster.

sitting. knowing that i'll never convince an unwanting heart. knowing that i've failed. knowing that i knew all along. i'd end up alone.

sitting. pathetic. desperate.

sitting. wishing.

sitting. having conversations. a hundred conversations. always ending the same. even in my hopeful heart. even the imagined love, leaves.

sitting. dying.

sitting. going through the motions. feeling my body give up. trembling. shuddering. trying to let go. but unable.

sitting. knowing i'll never be able to really love again. knowing that even if i do carry on. i'll always be wishing. always be hoping. to catch a glimpse in a crowd. to catch a pair of blue eyes. to become more than what i am. to reignite. to remind. to be missed. to be loved. to be given a chance.

sitting.

alone.